May 2004

Time goes on, without him. I feel like I’m being dragged away from him, I’m on a train and he didn’t get on before it left. I would have walked with you, Chris, even if I broke my leg jumping off… I want to go back to work. But I can’t seem to face it. […]

Yes, I know what the date says. But I haven’t slept yet, so it’s still Day Four. Too much happened today, but I didn’t wake up and find it was really just a nightmare, so not enough happened today. On the left side of this page, under More of My Stuff, is a link labeled

At last, some good news. Life Legacy is a non-profit that will let my husband’s empty shell be used to help someone. They will cremate the remains and return them to me. And the not-inconsiderable part is that they will do this at no cost to me. No viewings, though, he has to be cremated,

My brother and sis-in-law have volunteered their home for a gathering of some sort. Last night I dreamed I was there, with all the people wanting to tell me how sorry they were, and I answered the phone. It was a collect call from Chris. I refused it, thinking it a sick joke, and heard

Return visitors may have noticed some changes. I felt that my blog should wear mourning colors, as I don’t think I can bring myself to do so. That would make it more real than I can bear. Don’t mind the bright colors, if you could read black on black, that is how it would be.

Tonight, I hate my home. Everywhere I look, he is staring back at me. Fred, the little yellow stuffed dog he gave me when I was pregnant with Hope. The clock/picture frame, with his picture in it, on my desk. A pair of his pants I always meant to sew, turned into a bed for

There are people I’d like to throw things at. I could make a list a couple pages long, of people I’d like to wake up with a rock through their window tonight. If I had a baby-sitter, and a getaway driver… He went through something like seven case managers, and at least as many doctors,