It’s another of the ways that I am very weird. I have days where I am completely oblivious to those around me, then I have days when–well, when I could almost be a sci fi empath with no shields. Today I felt raw. The way I felt a week after Chris died. Like someone had taken a grater to my skin, and every touch, every breath, every movement of air was excruciating. And today was a bad day for me to be so open to the pain of those around me.
My friend Marilyn came back to work today. It was her first day back since losing her husband. I think that heavily contributed to the awfulness of my day.
A former co-worker suffered the loss of one son, and the wounding of another, in a shooting over the weekend. I didn’t know her sons, but the people I work with had watched those boys grow up. So I had that weighing on me too.
And some silly child pulled the fire alarm. When the office manager, the only person who knows how to shut the darn thing off, was at a dr’s appt. So there was the whooping noise, and the teacher trapped upstairs, and 800+ kids outside till we could shut it up, and a lot of irritated, frustrated people…
Worst for me, though, is that my friend Sue has been unwillingly transferred. Sue is the one who rounded up another friend and drove across town to check on Chris, when everyone I tried to get to help him fell into a black hole that horrible day. Sue is the one who kept that bastard motel manager from stealing and selling Chris’ guitar. Sue is one of the two who looked after me that day, when I could barely remember my own name and I had to tell my five-year-old daughter that her daddy was dead. Sue is my back-up, she’s the one who gets the kids in school after I identify the problem, but am too busy with the damn bullshit paperwork to actually attempt to talk to a parent.
Sue is going to be horribly missed.