Just…waah. I don’t care into details. But I really would like to go curl up and cry somewhere.
Or have a cigarette. It’s been over eight months, but I really, really want a cigarette.
I got reprimanded at work.
I think what bugs me most is how flat it’s knocked me. She didn’t tell me anything new–I was aware the work wasn’t done, I was aware I would be blamed though I’d explained again and again they were burying me. I knew. This opinion should not matter.
But I, 37 years old, survivor of a heck of a lot, widow and single parent, writer of six books, self-sufficent for nearly twenty years–I feel like a stupid, clumsy child.
that. I can handle eight one-year-olds for eight hours. I can dispatch cabs and tow-trucks and security. I can work a drive-thru lunch rush and barely break a sweat (if the AC works.) I’ve made wikis and websites. I know more than many people about theoretical physics, quantum mechanics, anatomy, astronomy…I know (in theory) how to fly a helicopter and why if a plane stalls, you shove the stick forward to get the nose down. I drove a U-Haul across the entire country–even though I had to climb into the cab to do it. I DID write six books.
I’m KD, and by Lork I am a great writer and a great person. Her failure to recognize reality is no reflection on me.