I got one of those emails the other day. You know the ones. “Forward this if you believe in God!” Because, yeah. God doesn’t care how I treat that stranger on the street–he gives a damn (literally) if I forward some smarmy email with cutesy sparkling angels to AT LEAST TEN PEOPLE.
Buying that homeless guy lunch don’t count for nothing. It’s those TEN PEOPLE annoyed by glittery slow-loading schmaltz when they’re trying to work that are going to get me into Heaven.
Only this one was worse. Much worse. And it’s taken me several days to think how to answer it. I’m still wondering if I should. It being the holidays and in the interest of family unity and all.
Here’s the stamp: 
Here’s the email that went with it, reformatted to be (slightly) less annoying:
CHRISTMAS STAMP (note: the USPS site says, “Holiday Celebration Series.”)
How ironic is this??!! They don’t even believe in Christ and they’re getting their own Christmas stamp, but don’t dream of posting the ten commandments on federal property? (yeah, the two aren’t even close to related. BEEEEEEEEEEEEP! Faulty logic!)
USPS New Stamp
This one is impossible to believe. Scroll down for the text. (oh, thank God there’s more! I thought that was the end of the stupidity. Let’s see if I can figure out how to scroll this thingummy down…)
If there is only one thing you forward today…..let it be this! (Save the servers! Don’t forward the schmaltz or the hate!)
REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of Pan Am Flight 103!
REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the World Trade Center in 1993!
REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the Marine Barracks in Lebanon!
REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the military Barracks in Saudi Arabia!
REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the American Embassies in Africa!
REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the USS COLE!
REMEMBER the MUSLIM attack on 9/11/2001!
(REMEMBER, in the words of Azeezaly S. Jaffer, Vice President, Public Affairs and Communications for the Postal Service, who dedicated the stamp. “The Eid stamp will help us highlight the business, educational and social contributions of the estimated six to seven million Muslims in this country whose cultural heritage has become an integral part of the fabric of this great nation.”) (Azeezaly? Ya don’t s’pose he’s one of THEM, do ya?)
REMEMBER all the AMERICAN lives that were lost in those vicious MUSLIM attacks! (Some of those who died may even have BEEN Muslim! Or worse!)
Now the United States Postal Service REMEMBERS and HONORS the EID MUSLIM holiday season with a commemorative first class Holiday postage stamp. Bull! (And others! Look here! There’s stamps honoring Kwanzaa and Hannukkah and CHRISTMAS! Don’t even get me started on those blacks and Jews and CHRISTIANS!)
REMEMBER to adamantly and vocally BOYCOTT this stamp (which has been out since 2001) when purchasing your stamps at the post office. To use this stamp would be a slap in the face to all those AMERICANS who died at the hands of those whom this stamp honors. (This part is true. A celebration of freedom of religion is certainly a slap in the face of anyone who has fought for the US of A!)
REMEMBER to pass this along to every patriotic AMERICAN you know!!! (Okay, you’re banned from using that word until you find out what it means. Start here.)
Main Entry: pa·tri·ot
- Etymology: Middle French patriote compatriot, from Late Latin patriota, from Greek patri?t?s, from patria lineage, from patr-, pat?r father
- Date: 1605
: one who loves his or her country and supports its authority and interests
(Hint: it would help if you knew a little about your country. Do the words “melting pot” ring a bell? How about “land of the free?”)
Throwing up yet? Me too. Go rinse your mouth, I’ll wait.
It’s amazing how hard it is to remember–those attacks were accomplished by fanatics, radicals that most of the Islamic world is embarrassed by. Just as most Christians (at least I pray we are!) are embarrassed or worse by David Koresh and Jerry Falwell. And how about the Christians blowing each other up in Ireland?
Do the world a favor. Next time you get one of these, hit “forward.” Click on ten people in your address book. Then delete everything in the email and type, “I thought of you today, and cared enough not to send you stupid meaningless crap or worse. I hope the absence of hate and/or sparkling naked angel babies makes your day a little brighter.”
Honest feeling, created by you, not forwarded from a stranger. Think you can handle it?