I made progress! Eleven pages edited tonight, before my brain wandered off into No-Minds-Land.
Of course, seven of those pages I just crossed off. Seven whole pages, barely two facts worth putting in somewhere else. And those seven pages survived three re-writes.
Ah well. Live and learn. I write much better now.
The edit means I have to cut some fun bits I’ve loved for a long time. So I’ll put them here, rather than in the novel cluttering things up.
“I’ll start,” Marcori said as Ben opened his mouth. “He wasn’t there for the beginning.” She tapped her arm. “Remember when I lost this?”
“How could I not?” The Kleptan whistled amusement. “The mighty Bitch forgot how to count.”
As Ben had expected, impugning her fighting skills jolted Marcori out of her usual cheerful cockiness.
“It was short-fused, you scaly bastard, and you know it! I never blew up nothing I didn’t mean to!”
And, of course:
“If you insist, Captain.” The man’s face flushed. “Follow me.” He made a sharp about-face and marched off. Marcori followed in a deliberate saunter, dropping a step to stay beside Ben every time reflex put him behind his superior.
“Relax,” she muttered. “These grunts’re from the Stompin’ Second, same’s me. So’s Borkla. He’s a bastard, but he’s fair. We’re okay.”
“I’d rather be okay on the Dream.”
“I know. But Borkla’s sure to pull rank. I need a reminder that I’m a civ now.”
“Silence in the ranks!” the corporal snapped without turning.
“Deee-taaill!” Marcori bellowed. “Tiptoe!”
One more? Maybe…ahh. This works. Though I’ll have to work the discipline problem in at some point. (well, I do reveal she was dishonorably discharged. Perhaps that’s enough.) (yes, the bits are out of order. I’m too tired to fix that.)
“Hey, Borkla!” Marcori hailed as the Kleptan rose from his tail. “Miss me?”
“Of coursse. I wass thinking jusst yessterday how hyou could sshow thesse bootssss how to sshine a deck.” The news Marcori had been a discipline problem was not news. The colonel’s eyes went to Ben. “I ssaid alone.”