ETA: I’m so glad people are stopping by, but Austin can’t see the view #s on this post. Won’t you leave a few words of support? Even if it’s been said by someone else, I think saying it again can help.
I found a conversation on Twitter by accident. I went to click “reply” to a friend and I clicked the hashtag #itgetsbetter instead. And I found a desperate young man talking to a friend.
I hope I didn’t scare you, Austin, jumping into your conversation as I did. I hope you don’t mind my carefully-vague blogging about you. I wanted to say more than I could in a Twitter conversation if you cared to hear it, and this seems a good way without being a “creeper” and DMing you fifty times.
My 12yo daughter claims to be bi. She’s a strong-minded, confident pre-teen with the solid support of her mom (that’d be me.) She’s told her friends.
She feels like she’s on display. So far it hasn’t gone to the bullying and hideous abuse so many queer teens endure, but I worry that it will. So Austin, your desperation resonates that much more with me.
My daughter’s father committed suicide several years ago. My worst nightmare is that one day my daughter will think it’s her only escape too. Another reason I care very much about your mentioning that option.
So I don’t know what help a twice-your-age straight stranger states away can be, but I want to say that if I can ever help, I’m here.
There’s seven years or so of blog here that you can page through to find that I am who I say I am. If I can ever offer a sympathetic ear or an internet hug, please @tweet me or email me or comment here or something.
Please don’t take that desperate option. It’s forever, and the people who love you will hurt forever.
Pretty sure you can comment anonymously (make up an email if it demands one) but all comments are moderated. This is and will be a safe place.
That said, comments in support of Austin and others are welcome.
(And Austin–my thing is writing. When I want to cheer up my friends I usually give them a story snip or something. So if you have any interest in a sci-fi adventure novel about a gay teen, let me know and I will send you my ebook.)
Sending love and caring even if you never read this,
KD
Austin–I’m 22 and gay. When I was 17, I nearly committed suicide (and by “nearly” I mean I got lucky–I did actually try) over my orientation, because I was sure I was going to be alone and a freak. IT’S NOT WORTH IT!! Move forward–find people who love you–they ARE out there. All through high school I had one friend and a bunch of acquaintances who kind of pitied me and let me hang out in their general orbit. Now I have a beautiful group of friends I love and a hard (for unrelated reasons), but wonderful life.
If you need someone to talk to, I’m “technicolornina” all over the internet (including Twitter and LJ), and I’m on almost all the time, unless I’m sleeping or in class. Your sexuality is such a small part of who you are; don’t let fears or worries about what it means for you overshadow the wonderful, beautiful, unique person who is YOU!! We are all part of the human community, and that means YOU TOO.
Love from
Ninalyn
Thanks, Ninalyn.
Austin,
I would care.
You may be on the other side of the country from me, and likely we’ll never meet. But I would care. It would hurt every day, knowing you were gone. Knowing that the world doesn’t have the brightness that you are in it any longer. You have a right to be yourself, to be here, to this life. It’s the only one we’re garuanteed to get. And it does get better.
You may feel alone, but you’re not. There are millions of people in this country who have never met you, who would all care, who would all miss you, who are all sending you the every ounce of love and positive feelings they can, because you deserve to be loved. You deserve to have goodness in life, and you can and will have it. We are here, Austin. We are here for you.
“Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You are needed in this world.”
Remember that. Remember you are needed, that you belong, that you are loved.
-Kiley
Thank you, Kiley.
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Austin,
I’m a 33 – almost 34 – year old woman who is unashamedly bi. I’m married to a husband who not only doesn’t care but is bi himself. I have been completely ostracized by my own family because of my choices. I found people who loved me in spite of my peculiarities and who don’t care about my personal choices.
I have a niece who is in her early twenties who now lives on the opposite side of the state from me and the rest of the family because she chose her life partner – a wonderfully loving and supportive young woman – over her mom and brother because they didn’t approve of her lifestyle choices. She and I exchange letters frequently and she talks about how hard things are for her right now but that she knows they’ll get better as she and her life partner get their feet under them. It helps that her partner’s family is supportive of them both.
There are those out there who won’t like you because you’re gay. You know this. But you’re going to find out eventually that there are those of us who either share the lifestyle or who are supportive of those who do that will care about you, will like you, and will want to be your friends.
If you ever want to talk, hunt me down on Twitter or Blogger. I’m @annikkawoods on Twitter, and Annikka Woods pretty much everywhere else I hang out online (that matters to me anymore, that is). So please feel free to send me a message at any time. I’m here to help. I want to help.
Anni
Thanks, Anni.
Dear Austin,
I don’t know if I can say anything new that the others haven’t already, but know that I am supporting you and those like you with my whole heart. Some of my dearest friends are bi- or homosexual, and I know how hard it can be to come to terms with who you are and to withstand some people’s opinions about it. But remember it’s just that–some people. And they may be loud people. But there’s also people like KD, and everyone who has commented above me, and everyone on the #itgetsbetter hashtag on Twitter, and hundreds of thousands of others, and it would matter to every single one of us if you died.
Please, please, keep talking to people, keep talking and keep hoping and you’ll find a place where you fit in.
~Midge
Thanks, Midge.
Dear Austin,
I’ve been where you are. I know how hard it is to struggle with the feelings of self-doubt and worth. I’ve been institutionalized for harming myself. I’ve nearly killed myself. Just know this: you are worth life. You are worth everything. Anyone who tells you differently, that you’re wrong for being what you are, for liking and loving who you do, isn’t worth /you/ or your time.
Many hugs and love. I hope you find your way to happiness.
Bethany
Hi Austin,
You DO matter. You matter to me.
As Adam Lambert said, you are so much more than your orientation.
Never give up, never surrender.
Cheers and hugs,
Erin
Thanks, Bethany and Erin.
Dear Austin,
I don’t know what to say that hasn’t already been said better, but you do matter. You are important. You are worth it. Please don’t let this break you.
Kate.
Thanks, Kate.