My husband was a master of inappropriate gifting.
No, really. Our first Christmas we were pretty broke. I bought him luxuries I usually had to deny him: candy, nice cigars, a new Nintendo game. He got me, the woman who collects nothing and hates knick-knacks and anything else requiring care and/or dusting, a Generations collectible Data action figure.
“It’ll be worth a lot one day!” Shows what he knew about Star Trek.
One birthday he got me a rent-to-own VCR (he paid the deposit; I made the payments) when I was working eight hours and spending four hours on the bus five days a week, but he was home all day every day due to his heart.
Yeah, that one is up there with Homer giving Marge a bowling ball with his name on it.
Once he got it completely right and he wasn’t even trying. He was helping a friend move and he came home with this gift that friend was throwing away. It’s small and cheap and cost him nothing but some thought, and that’s what makes it special. Generations Data has long since moved on, but this gift I cherish.
What is it? It’s a greeting card in a pretty frame. In awkward but attractive font the card says, “Dreams take time, patience, sustained effort, a willingness to fail if they are ever to be anything more than DREAMS.”
He had his moments, his “OMG you worked all day while I messed up the house alone and now you’re writing instead of cleaning or paying attention to meeeeeee!” moments, but they were rare. He believed in me. He supported me. When everyone else paid lip-service (oh, that’s so nice you’re writing a book now let’s go back to talking about me) he would give me a hug and get out of the way.
Even when things were really bad, when he was drinking my cooking wine or selling the DVD player for the fourth time, he never touched my computer or my printer.
Now that’s love.
I’m thinking about this today because I’m cleaning my desk off and that framed card is lying here among a lot of other things.
My horoscope says:
You can gain a lot today by stopping and reevaluating your recent history. Paradoxically, this review process can also stimulate your anticipation of the future. Your life begins to take on a greater meaning as you see unstable social systems bending under the pressure of change. Meanwhile, you’re committed to finding stability in the midst of transition, even if you don’t yet know how you will manage it. Don’t worry about the details; you’ll figure things out along the way.
Usually I read and chuckle and move on, but today I am paying attention because the stars are supporting something that’s been gnawing at me for a while.
Having my stories read is awesome. It is a dream come true. But it’s not all I care about. Not by a long shot. I have so much to write, and I enjoy writing more than pretty much anything I’ve ever experienced. I know writing is why I exist. Yet I’ve spent most of the last two months marketing Knight Errant rather than editing His Faithful Squire.
And then I’ve found myself procrastinating editing, because I’d rather be writing. But I have to get HFS done, and I shouldn’t be writing anything new anyway when I have so much needing editing and oh since I can’t quite face the editing right now let’s go and investigate LinkedIn and Shelfari and–
Enough. This is not the life I want, and since I don’t have to please a publisher or agent with my earnings, I don’t have to chase it.
I won’t give up on marketing, but I’m not obsessing any more. And I refuse to check my sales more than once a week.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to hang this card on the wall where I can see it from my desk, and then I’ve got some editing to do. Maybe after that I could do some writing!