I am so tired of hearing it passed around how this kid was bullied at school, that kid was harassed in class, and “no one did anything.”
Now, if you’ve lost a loved one due to this horror–you go right ahead. You blame me, them, God, everybody. I am so sorry for your loss and I’ll take your anger because by God that should not have happened. Someone should have helped enough!
But if you’re one of those who roams the internet wailing about how schools and teachers don’t care and that’s the problem–check yourself. (I mean, of course, the generic “you” and not you personally, dear reader.)
I work at a middle school. Our kids are 11-14. The school itself is in a good neighborhood, but we draw from some pretty tough ones. We have children in group homes. We have children who come to school every day solely because we will feed them. We have kids who know the way to solve a problem is to beat up the offender, because that’s what they see every night at home.
We’ve had assemblies about how we won’t allow bullying. We have a “bully box” in an accessible place, where someone having issues can put the name of their tormentor without leaving their own name. We’ve had the local police department come and talk about bullying. We devote class periods to what bullying is, and what effects it has, and what we will do to you when we catch you.
Between periods the teachers aren’t running to the restroom–they’re in the hallways, keeping an eye on the kids. Before and after school, at lunch, the monitors and administrators are outside supervising, and parents are angry they can’t get a principal when they need one.
Bullying still happens. Last week I had a young lady come storming into my office in tears, wanting to call her mother to come and get her. She was being harassed by another student and it had been going on for months and she couldn’t take it anymore. But she hadn’t told anyone but her mother–who never reported it to us.
I ask you–how is mom going to be angry that no one does anything? But she is.
My daughter goes to my school. A couple weeks ago a classmate was harassing her, and said that she and a friend were “arguing like a lesbian couple!” She shouted “Fuck off!” at him and got in trouble. She was, of course, very angry that the other kid didn’t get in trouble.
“Did Ms. ____ hear him?” I asked her.
“Yes! He said it really loud!”
I’ve known this teacher for years. I could not believe she would allow that to go unchallenged, so I asked her. No, she didn’t hear it. She was focused on another student. She’s human. And he, as troublemakers will, chose his moment.
Now that she knows, it has been taken care of. Good teachers do that.
I had a parent call me about her son’s absences. He’s been getting bullied by a young prison-for-life candidate, and she lets him stay home because “nothing’s been done!” Well, actually, after the kid wouldn’t stop no matter the consequence, we suspended him long-term. He won’t be back until March at least. But due to confidentiality, I can’t tell her that her son is safe. I can tell her he’s failing math, but if we can’t get him there, what can we do about that?
Her story, though, is the same as the others–no one does anything.
I’ve seen a teacher drop everything–hundreds of papers that went flying everywhere–to put herself between fighting kids, taking the harm they were trying to inflict on each other (because she couldn’t pull them apart–we’re not supposed to lay hands on them.)
Principals work ten hour days and more and it still never gets done. Teachers have seven-hour school days and then many of them stay after for hours tutoring and then they take work home to grade today’s lessons or prepare tomorrow’s.
We have a librarian’s assistant–no librarian due to budget cuts–who comes early and leaves late so the kids can have access to books and computers all day every day. Because the kids are NEVER to be left unsupervised, sometimes she’ll call me to go watch the library for five minutes while she goes to the restroom. When I have a student stuck in the front office awaiting discipline who has nothing to do, I take him/her over there and she will drop everything to find a book for this young maker of bad choices–a book he/she might read and maybe even bring back to get another. (Bleach manga works well for this, but we can only have certain volumes because these kids who are playing Grand Theft Auto and Be a Mob Boss at home can’t be allowed to see too much cartoon violence in a book, but that’s another argument.)
I could go on and on–the monitor who’s smaller than most of the kids, but she can ride herd on fifty or more at once and not a one will mouth off because she’s on a first name basis with all of their parents, and oh, she’s the one that got them new sneakers last month. The teacher who tutors his own students and anyone else’s before school, after school, and at lunch. Who’ll go to any student’s house and tutor. Who has been known to meet former students (after their parents yanked them out of our school and sent them elsewhere) in coffee shops to tutor them.
Despite what you’ve heard in the news, people in public education are not well-paid. I drive a 1988 Toyota with broken windows and no heat. I have $150 to spend on Christmas.
I hope you can see it’s not the money. At my school we do what we do because we love kids and we want them to succeed. There is NO child that we want to see hurt. NO child that we would allow to be hurt if we knew it was happening.
Don’t fucking tell me we’re not dedicated to kids.
We are very, very lucky to have these and all the other devoted people we have. But I’m going to tell you–I refuse to believe we’re all that rare. The pay isn’t any better, the hours any shorter, at most other public schools. I refuse to believe that no one cares. Or that no one does anything.
My school has nearly seven hundred kids. We have three monitors. Three administrators, who get out there when they aren’t dealing with parents or kids who need them right then. A school safety officer, also frequently tied up in discipline, and an administrator intern who also runs all the sports. Before and after school, teachers are in their rooms, preparing or tutoring. At lunch we do allow them to eat. Often they do that in their classrooms, while a few students catch up on their classwork.
On a truly excellent day (I’ve never seen this happen) we could have eight people outside, watching over six hundred kids. On a bad day, due to sick employees and state-required classes and stuff, we might have two. I’ve seen that happen many times.
You think more should be done? I agree. But we all know that funding for education isn’t going to go up, so hiring more supervision won’t be happening.
You think more should be done? Come do it. Come volunteer with Parents on Patrol. You want to save a life? COME HELP US SAVE THESE CHILDREN.
Dammit.
And if that’s too much effort, can you at least make your kid leave that damned $300 iPod/PSP/DS at home? Those things have NO use in schools, and after they are stolen our security people waste hours trying to get that crap back while off in some outside corner a kid’s getting beat up because NO ONE IS THERE TO STOP IT.
And don’t effing blame my school for that, either. When’s the last time you met six hundred people you’d trust with that kind of money? You’re going to be surprised that those gadgets get stolen when your 11yo showed it to a hundred kids then left his backpack while he went to the bathroom?
Also also–no we will NOT search thirty students because your kid’s PSP got stolen in that classroom. Think about it–how are you going to feel if your kid comes home and reports he got searched because someone else’s gadget got stolen?
Will you just effing THINK, PERIOD?