What Do You Do If Your Child is Gay?

What do you do when your treasured child, your darling daughter, your handsome and sweet son, announces he’s gay?

Say you love him/her. Do it now. That child you have loved all her life, that baby you guarded and toddler you chased, is standing there afraid they’ve done the one thing Mom and Dad can’t forgive and they haven’t even done anything.

This is your child. Tell them you love them. Then you can tell them you need some time.

I’m writing this because I’m getting a lot of hits on a rant I posted a few days ago, about how young children can know they are gay. I hope that post is helping people. I hope this one will.

So. If you’re here looking for advice, it’s probable the announcement already happened. If you said hurtful things instead of “I love you,” please go tell your baby you love them. Go now. “I’m sorry I said things without thinking. I don’t know if I mean them, but I do know I love you.” Or take out “I don’t know if I mean them.” But maybe you’re not there yet.

Back? Now take some deep breaths. Is this still the child who made you laugh till you cried putting curlers on the dog? Yes. Is this still the angel you cuddled through the night when he had a fever at three and only Mommy/Daddy’s arms would do? Yes.

This is your cherished child. Don’t you dare toss them out in the street for something they can’t control.* You didn’t toss him out when his toddler judgment led him to coloring the TV like Elmo, did you? Did you toss her and all her stuff in the street when her curling iron set fire to the bathroom due to adolescent carelessness?

Okay. When you’re ready, read this. Read it to the end, then read the related articles.

If your problem with your child’s orientation is based in the Christian faith, realize that we’ve gotten a lot of things wrong over the years, and perpetuated them until they’re enshrined. Think about it. Christ said the two important commandments were Love God and Love Your Neighbor, but the hating of gays stems from their love of the “wrong” persons. That doesn’t make any sense. This scholar goes back to the source, the original Biblical texts, and shows us how we’ve got it wrong. Is he right and much of history wrong? Well, HIS conclusions align much more closely with the teachings of Christ, so I’m thinking he’s onto something.

I can’t offer arguments for other religions, I’m sorry. I’m sure they’re out there, but I do feel that love article covers it all anyway.

My daughter announced at ten that she is bisexual. For years I’ve mostly snickered where she couldn’t see, because when she got in trouble for her refusal to acknowledge personal boundaries, it was always boys she was glomping. Then last weekend she asked me if she could have a girlfriend. (I told her she’s too young, for the record. The same thing I told her when she wanted to have a boyfriend. Though the boy who would be her boyfriend if I let her have a boyfriend is completely okay with her having a girlfriend too. Kids these days, I tell you. 😉 )

Now. I’m hoping that with some reading and some deep breathing you’ve come to realize this is just another bump in the road of child-raising. Hey, you figured out years ago that it’s no piece of cake, right? And really–is this the worst thing they could have told you? They haven’t beaten someone to death for the fun of it, as teens have been known to do. They’re not out setting stray cats on fire or writing racist epithets all over the bathroom walls at school. On the grand scale of Things Your Child Has Done Now, this is just not a big deal. Nowadays it’s not even an end to your dream of grandchildren.

Now realize–and this is horrible–that your child is in danger. Because of the foolish ideas so many have perpetuated unthinking, there are people all around who think there is something wrong with your child and they have the right to fix it by any means necessary.

Get ready to go on the warpath, Mom. Get your stomping boots on, Dad.

We can change that culture of hate. We parents, who love our children no matter what, can change that. In the meantime, though, we’ve got to be ready.

So do you have your child’s back?

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*I’m not debating the morality here, or saying they’ll outgrow this. I’m saying this is still your beloved child. Nothing has changed but your perception.