I’m sick to death of people who mean well. People who never hugged me before Chris died, still need to not hug me. People should not corner the recently bereaved in banks and grocery stores and ask how they are doing. Well, they can, if a polite exchange is all they want, but they should NOT expect to hear the truth! (Especially if the truth is that the person is doing okay!)
I made the mistake in the beginning of telling people to read my blog if they wanted to know how I was doing, so I wouldn’t have to talk to them. Now I can’t even blog, because how I feel when I blog will be taken as how I feel all the time, and that gets people worried about me. Or worse, how I feel when I blogged, won’t be believed. For instance, the fact that I am not crying my eyes out right now.
The truth I can only write in this never-to-see-the-light-of-day blog? I’m doing just fine. I can’t SAY that, everyone will be sure I’m in denial. But it’s true. I still miss him a lot. I will always miss him. But I’m getting on with my life. Yesterday I spent some time wandering around the Internet, and I reaped the rewards by having Hope in the right place and time to watch the International Space Station sail across our sky.
I’m sick to death of people trying to get me to admit how much I’m hurting. I AM hurting, of course I am, I love my husband and he’s not here anymore! But that doesn’t make it any of their damn business.
And just because I’m doing okay, does not give people I barely spoke to before, the right to help me pick out my next husband. Even the people I love most in this world have no right to bring up the damn subject!