Impatience Has Its Good Points

I don’t wait well. Possibly I should qualify that. If I’m in a waiting room? I’m fine. I’ve got my book, I’m good, just be loud when you call my name. On hold? I’m all right. You’ve probably got ten, maybe even fifteen minutes before I start getting annoyed. (Less if you have some perky recorded voice telling me I can do my business on the internet. If my task COULD be handled on the internet, it damn sure would already be dealt with, okay?)

But when the outcome is uncertain and it matters to me? Oh yeah. I’m hanging on hooks, here, and you had better move on your side of things. You’ll lob that ball back into my court and take a deep breath–and ZAM! that five page form is back in your hands in minutes. I’m bouncing on my toes waiting for the next ball. Bouncing. Bouncing.

Hand me a three-hour assessment? BAM! Done in an hour. Bouncing. Bouncing.

I haven’t mentioned (too afraid to jinx things) but I’m trying to go back to school. It’s been one hurdle after another, let me tell you. I have to stay focused. I have to figure out what’s next, I have to make sure I don’t miss anything, and I have to by God get it right.

Then, of course, there’s the problem that it’s hard for me to change focus. To decide that, okay, I’ve done all I can towards college right now–let’s go get some NaNo words. No, I’m much more likely to sit there refreshing and refreshing the financial aid page, trying to parse promises out of the occasional error message, clicking about to see if there’s a secret back door I missed…and the words go unwritten.

Even when I do manage to drag myself away, to decide I will switch focus now, there’s a lag time. And it’s a long one.

All of which is to say–I’m trying. In every way I can, I’m trying.