Sometimes I forget that I tend to hang out (online) with people much younger than I am. That the feels are ALL THE FEELS and everything is COMPLETELY INDISPUTABLE.
Anyway. Yesterday I came across a post on Tumblr that upset me. I don’t know if the original was a guy’s post, or from his bio, or what, but it was a picture of a young man and beneath it was a paragraph about who he was and what he found attractive.
In that paragraph, he said he liked–oh, I can’t remember exactly. Something along the lines of “cis-males.”
On Tumblr, it’s common to reblog
and comment.
Like this.
So under his bio/comment was a comment interpreting what he found attractive as his being insensitive because he’d assume that someone he met who seemed like a guy would have a dick in his pants, and that’s cissexist (or cisgenderish, or something. I try, but I get my terms mixed up.)
And under that was another comment, interpreting his paragraph and the first commenter’s to make the guy transphobic.
Under that was a comment about how people are attracted to what they find attractive, and saying he’s wrong for what he likes is like calling someone a racist because they don’t find African Americans attractive.
And under THAT was the comment that oh hell no, that IS racist, go look up “internalised racism” and…
Guys. Deep breaths.
I’m not going to claim to understand all the commentary. I don’t go into terms all that much–I’m pro-anything that makes you happy, I try to keep an eye on my privilege, and I don’t go much farther than that.
But kids. Listen.
What you find attractive and who you are attracted to can be and often are two very different things. All that guy did (all that’s proveable with the quote supplied, anyway) is be shallow in his comment.
Oh dear god, hide the children, someone was superficial on the internet! *insert eye-rolling*
Seriously. Let’s look at this. I’ll use my own experience, though there have been many conversations with friends to tell me I’m not alone in this.
Jason Momoa because…Jason Momoa.
If I’m wandering the internets looking at pretties, I’m drawn to darker men. I don’t really care for light hair or blue or green eyes unless it/they are really stunning.
Tom Hiddleston is preeeetttyyy…
*ahem*
I…think I was saying something about not generally being attracted to guys on the lighter end of the palette.
My first serious boyfriend, in the top two of the most important love relationships in my life? Pale blond hair, pale blue eyes. And you know what? I thought he was gorgeous. Not because of his face–he was badly scarred from a childhood accident–but because of him. Smart and funny and sweet…and he had this laugh, you know? This incredible laugh that just made me grin and tingle, and when he made me laugh, which he did a lot, he would laugh…
Anyway.
In pictures I’ve always found thick lips yucky.* I’m sorry. I just do. Is it racist to dislike a feature that often appears on persons of African descent? Maybe. Like I said, I’m not up on all the terms. But here’s why I mention it.
I know a guy with lips like this. The first time I met him, I thought someone had punched him in the face. He’s from the Congo, IIRC, and he speaks English with a very thick accent. My brain has (falsely, I know, I’m working on it) connected it to his lips so even if I’m not looking at him, I think I can hear his lips as he talks.
You know what helps? When he starts speaking French. His French is beautiful. So is his Russian. And I love to hear him speak–oh carp, I’ve forgotten the other one! He and his nephew speak French to each other, but there’s an African language he speaks as well…or was it Arabic? *mutters at self*
anywaaaay…The more I get to know him, the more I find him sexy. Because the man is utterly brilliant. He speaks at least four languages. He went to college in France, and got TWO masters degrees in Russia. He’s an engineer. He wants to know everything. Lemme tell you–to me, that is Sexy. As. Fuck. And guess what? I’m not so bothered by the lips anymore. Gimme a bit more contact with him, and I bet I get to finding them attractive even on guys that aren’t him.
So what I’m saying is that my attractions are affected by my feelings. What I find hot changes with what I’ve experienced as “hot.” I don’t think I’m alone in this. So if we want to change the world, how about we stop ranting and just bring on the sexy?
’cause really. Telling me I don’t have the right to like what I like? That’s kinda fucked up too, when you get down to it.
*And then, when I went looking for a picture of what I was talking about, I couldn’t find one. Could not locate a pic of lips I found “yucky.” So perhaps this transformation in my brain has already occurred.