Why Squid?

So if you’ve been around a while, you may be wondering…why squid?

If that’s all you’re wondering, you’re doing well. 😉

Because squid are versatile sea creatures. You can smack someone mantle-first and it’s going to hurt, or you can let the squid get his tentacles into things and it’ll hurt more.

Why marine life? Well, back in the early days of the internet (for me, anyway) I was quite amused by the mIRC feature to slap someone around with a trout. I used it on all my friends. Often. On a whim. Eventually my arsenal expanded to cod, eels, and the coelacanth.

There is only one coelacanth. Only one is needed.

I’ve smacked people with sharks, rays, and oh, a particular favorite for slimeballs, hagfish. Once or twice when really annoyed I’ve taken a whale shark to something. Oarfish and lionfish are good too. I have an unknowable number of ninja trout (generally dispatched to deal with annoying relatives of friends), a couple steelhead salmon, and a collection of blobfish for that one friend who doesn’t fear any other fish.

Much of this, of course, is done with love. As I tell my friends, “fish are friends, not food!” I use them to motivate my friends to write, to edit, to get off the pity pot and start fixing things. And also I express my frustration and angry urges without anyone thinking I’m actually coming to their town to beat them with a cod. (yet.)

Squid, though…squid make excellent all-purpose minions. Smart and resourceful, yet loyal if you earn their respect. They have camouflage abilities. Tentacles that mean they can do lots of things no other fish can. And, of course, they have beaks.

Yes, yes, octopi, and I love them too. But they don’t have the hard mantle for smacking people with, and squid get bigger.

Lots bigger.

So yes, squid. I am building my minion army. Meet Skidoo, the rainbow colossal squid, Huggsley the landsquid, and Argyle, the sock squid. (And Ravenclaw, who will tempt them by being delicious and unwary within reach…)

Argyle’s the new guy. Skidoo and Huggsley have been working tirelessly to train him in time to avert Friday’s alpacalypse.

Be sure to send your gratitude Saturday. Unless they fail, of course. But they’re cephalopods, so it’s not likely.