I have friends who are really hard on themselves. I hear the things they say about themselves, and I know the things they say TO themselves are probably even worse, and it makes me sad.
Where does it come from, this idea that beating ourselves up is what we deserve? We have, thankfully, moved away from treating kids like that. You’d never talk to your friend like that. Why do people think they should talk to themselves like that?
I had one friend tell me that being nice to herself would be letting her “get away with stuff.”
??
Don’t get me wrong. I used to do the same. I could read myself the riot act, whoo boy! But somewhere along the line, maybe when I was reading about how awfully I would hurt my as-yet unborn child if I talked to her like that, I realized that I deserved to not be called names. As I told it to someone or other–there are plenty of people in this world who will call me names. I don’t need to help them.
Recently I saw one of those ridiculous meme pictures, and it changed my life.
In the midst of trying to find ways to talk with and help my daughter, I happened to stumble on this meme/quote/picture/thing–
Fact: When my child does things that annoy me, she is pretty much never doing them TO annoy me. Sometimes, when she is feeling incredibly contrary, sure, but even then, if she’s being really difficult and starting fights for the sake of fighting, I know that it’s because she’s having a rough time with the brain-goblins.
We fight sooooo much less since I saw that picture and realized the truth of the quote.
Lately I’ve started telling my daughter when I mess stuff up, or when a patch of adulting scares me. I’ve never been afraid to admit I’m wrong to her, but I have tried to shield her from “mom doesn’t know what she’s doing!” I figured that could only scare her. Now, though, I’m seeing that she thinks she’s the only one in the world who wants to do one thing, but always does something else. Who can’t seem to make herself get out of bed when she should, walk the dog she adores when he needs it, even just take her dirty dishes to the kitchen when she gets up…
So anyway, this looong rambling sorta-rant is brought to you by a lack of sleep and the desire to see you be nicer to yourself. Yelling at kids, inner children included, only hurts the situation, and them.
Flylady and all my time-management, productivity, and/or other self-help books agree–you deserve kindness. So what if dinner was a carton of ice cream? It happens.
In Other News
Burning Bright is still on sale, not for much longer.
Once you read it, won’t you review it?