I’ve resisted plans, routines, scheduling, for a very long time. Even now that I figured out they are good for me, and free me up for spontaneity, I still sabotage myself.
But I want to be free! I want choices! I want to be completely paralyzed by options and do none of the things I want to do, instead doomscrolling through my weekend and then Godzilla-stomping through a rampage Sunday night, angry that I’m not ready for the workweek and also I didn’t have any fun!
Yeah, no. The savage joy of Godzilla-stomping aside, that’s not actually what I want.
So I am currently trying to plan things again, to build a Bullet Journal again. As I mentioned on TDP, I’m using a discbound notebook so I can make it as MINE as possible, and if I mess up, I just take that page out. Perfect-bound journals, I have decided, are for Other People.
For this purpose, I mean. I can and delightedly WILL use them to just write stuff, front to back, and stick it on my shelf and keep it forever. That is a collection. That is not this.
This, my BuJo, is a working document. And for that work I have acquired highlighters and stickers and I bought a stamp that hasn’t arrived yet, and–
Nothing says I can’t enjoy my working document!
Anyway, I’m starting gently, with a weekly spread and a page where I write down stuff to think about later, like maybe as I’m doing my seven hundred fifty words every morning. When the roomie and I stumbled on an Office Depot that was closing, we each bought An Amount of discbound stuff, so I’m going to use a different notebook for chores and such. Partly to use it, and partly so if (when) I hit another rough patch, I can just focus on the Must Dos in the BuJo. As is the way of chores, they will still be there when I come back around.
One of the things that led to me dropping the habit last time, was that I didn’t always want to take the time to draw up a weekly spread. Well, more than that–I would try to get creative and not like what I came up with, but if I did it the same way every time I thought I should try to get creative. Anyway. I bought the weekly spread. There are cheaper options than the big brands! And I like it better, too.
At some point, if this goes on, I’ll probably buy one of the ridiculously priced hole punches. There are just so many printable options!
The new attempt started Monday. I wrote first-draft routines (morning, after work, before bed) on index cards that I keep with the BuJo. That makes it 1) even easier to make changes as needed and 2) reduces the amount of page flipping needed, because one thing that I dislike for reasons I can’t really explain, is having to flip back and forth. I do the same thing with my computer–I need a screen big enough I can have both things I need to see up. I guess that’s not so weird, or dual monitor setups would be much more rare. (In a side note, I have spent years telling myself I do not need a dual monitor setup at home. I really truly do not need one. But I keep thinking about it…)
Anywhooo. The thing that surprised me, that made me decide to post this, was that as I was poking at my weekend plans this morning, I realized I was content. I sorted the things that needed to be done into what could be done, thought about when I would do the things and the best order in which to do them, allowing for things already scheduled, which are right there in my weekly spread…and I thought this is awesome. When I don’t have to think about it because I already did, I can just…do it. And my brain can be off elsewhere, pondering the plot of a story or enjoying a song that’s running through my head, or whatever.
So yeah. That’s a thing, that seems to be working for me. Might it work for you? I don’t know. But I heartily recommend trying and trying and trying until you find something that does work for you. Every effort I have ever made at this has brought me closer to something that could work, and even if this doesn’t last, it will bring me closer to what will.
And if you tell me you could never do this because you’re not organized enough, I will lovingly smack you with an eel. This isn’t magic I was gifted or talent I was born with. I couldn’t have done it until I learned how either. I used to be super disorganized and I still double-take when people compliment my organization. Also I have had to fight–and will continue to fight–myself every step of the way.
So, somewhat like saying “I wish I could draw like that!” to someone who has worked their a## off learning to draw like that, “I could never do that!” is (probably) an insult.
I’m not one of those abled jerks who says “If I can do it, anyone can!” because I know that’s not true. I’m just saying (and I know there are always differences of severity,) that I’m 98% I have ADHD, and I’ve done this. I know that I go through some sort of depressive cycles where I can barely manage to get my mail, let alone open it, and I’ve done this.
Anyway. That.
In other news, I’m about to post the latest chapter of Curiosity Killed the Cat on TDP, if you’re following Srivasi’s adventures or would like to start. And now that I’ve finally dragged that blasted story out of my muses, I am going back to working on my paranormal novel. I started reading the manuscript last night, and damn! It’s first draft but pretty good!
I’m excited. I have so many things I want to do, to do this weekend!
Take care, friends. <3
Huzzah for a working system!